MY ANSWER

Your case has to do mainly with a loss of trust. Trust in relationships is always a primary component that is deeply rooted into the support system. As a result, there was a failure in that system. Old values and foundations do not work anymore, and your consciousness hasn’t yet figured out how to act in a new way.

It is very difficult to give a precise recommendation in a couple of sentences, and the best option would be to book a consultation, but since your case is pretty unique, let me share some of my thoughts.

You are now facing one of the most difficult stages a man can just face – it is a question not just of trust the woman you love, but perhaps a fundamental rethinking of everything you considered in your life.

From what I see, your reaction is not anger, but a cry from the heart, which has encountered something probably seemed impossible. When the most important boundaries are violated, then what seemed indestructible suddenly turns out to be fragile – it breaks something inside. The awful thing is the understanding that even if technically nothing happened between your wife and her ex – the main thing has already happened: there was a betrayal of trust, it was like playing with fire.

The main pain that you are now experiencing is not even from the fact itself (although it certainly hurts), but from the fact that your reality turned out to be an illusion. Most probably you are now asking yourself questions like:

• Who is REALLY this woman?
• What ELSE do I not know?
• Can I even TRUST my eyes and ears?

Such questions may be more painful than even the fact of betrayal itself.

Of course, it is absolutely possible that your wife sincerely believes that nothing terrible has happened. But in such case this is a big problem because in her system of coordinates – this is totally acceptable. The choice for you then: are you ready to live with a woman whose relationship boundaries are blurred? Because even if now, let’s say, she has realized something, then what will prevent this from happening again in a year, two, or maybe five years from now?

If you decide to forgive and stay with your wife – this must be a conscious path through, apparently, the hell of mistrust. You will have to get to know your wife again, accept the fact that your previous ideas about her were incomplete or maybe even wrong. It will be pretty painful, but… it is possible. From her side it should not be just a regret. She must deeply work on herself, understanding that once she broke not only the rules, but the very foundation of marriage.

In my practice, there were cases when each in the couple worked on themselves and as a result the relationship became stronger, more reliable, deeper than before the actual betrayal. Much depends on the situation and both of you, on the strength of the desire to maintain the relationship and further improving it.

But sometimes the bravest decision is to admit that some things cannot be fixed. That trust is like a glass – once broken, it will never be exactly the same again, no matter how much you try to glue the pieces back together. And if you feel that your wound is not healing and you are not ready to recover for a long time, maybe you should finish such relations… and the sooner – the better!

You are now at a crossroad where there are no right or wrong decisions. There is only your life and your dignity. Whatever path you choose – it will be right if it is your conscious choice, and not a forced capitulation.

Now you need time. I am not talking about days, probably many weeks or even months. Good question to ask yourself at this moment – do you have these days, weeks or months? If you have that time, do not put pressure on yourself, allow yourself to hate, suffer, doubt. And watch – not only her, but mostly yourself: what is growing in your heart and soul – acceptance or rejection, forgiveness or devastation?

A partner’s betrayal can be either destructive or become a start for moving to a new level of relationship. Everything depends on the desire, readiness and interaction of both partners.

This is your story, and only you can decide whether it is worth investing in it. Whatever choice you make, remember: you have already proven that you are capable of truly loving. I must admit that says a lot about you as a person!

I find your case pretty interesting and I will be happy to work with you one on one. Whenever interested, feel free to contact me and book a consultation.