QUESTION
What can I do to make other people be more responsive to my requests for support? How can I change the perception of my wife towards helping other people so that she does not argue with me about it?
| Name | Age | Marital Status | From |
|---|---|---|---|
| Patrick | 49 years old | Married | USA |
MY ANSWER
You asked me 5 questions, but in such format I can answer usually 1 or 2 questions, rarely 3 questions.
There is very little you can do to make people want to help you. Even if you really need help at some particular point. You have to understand that you live in a not perfect world! You are not the one who is setting the rules how this world operates. The sooner you stop helping people who do not ask you for help – the better it will be for you and your family. This advice can be given even to your children. If your son or daughter does not ask you to help with let’s say homework, relations with friends, spending a weekend together and so on, just do not propose anything unless he or she asks you.
The same with people around you, no matter if they are your friends, relatives or just people whom you meet for the first time. When people ask you for help, you do not help them every time! If you planned to spend a Saturday with your wife and someone calls you and asks to help with transporting something from one house to another because you helped that person a month ago, simply kindly refuse and tell him that on Saturday you are busy. Do not explain what you do on Saturday, you are just busy. That’s it!
I am not going to get in theology and Bible teachings, but from a psychological point of view – start changing your attitude towards helping others ASAP! Helping people is good, but you should not sacrifice your own life and especially argue with your wife regarding helping other people. Especially when they do not ask you for help!
Changing percepion of someone else, even if it is your wife, whom you know very well, is just a bad idea. Very unlikely you will be able to succeed in such quest. And most importanly – you do not have to do it! Just change the way you always thought about helping others and NEVER propose help unless you are asked first.
I have answered 2 questions out of 5 that you asked. If you want to discuss other questions or get professional advice on the subject of how to change your attitude towards helping others, please book an individual consultation and I will be glad to discuss this matter with you personally in much greater details.