He is STILL IN LOVE with his Ex-Girlfriend
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend over two years. When we started our relationship, I was aware that he still was in love with his ex who was his first love. At that time he said that he wanted to fall in love with me and to have a life with me. A few months after everything he hadn’t experienced with his ex came crashing through our relationship. He became different and cold. He asked me for more time though. I agreed but then he lied to me about many things and I was very hurt and disappointed. Our relationship started to be painful for me. Then things got better, he said he was starting to fall in love with me, but my reaction had made him cold. I felt like the love stopped growing on his end so I told him that we should break up since he isn’t in love with me. But he disagreed because he knew that he would fall in love with me, that I was everything he wanted, and that there was this overwhelming peace in being with me. But that makes no sense to me.
QUESTION
How is it possible to feel that peace and continue to stay with a person you’re not in love with but have love for?
| Name | Age | Marital Status | From |
|---|---|---|---|
| Gabrielle P. | 23 years old | In Relationship | USA |
Answer
Pretty difficult question to answer because it is hard for me to understand why do you continue to stay in a relationship with a person you’re not in love? Another question that I advise to answer: Will you be able to feel at peace with your boyfriend if he is not in love with you but has love for you? There cannot be a direct answer for you. However, with the help of a psychologist you can think through this question from different perspectives so that you come to a conclusion about how you would like to move forward in this relationship. And more importantly – is it really worth moving on in this current relationship, or start a new one?
In fact, your boyfriend has given you only two choices. First, to stay with him with the unhappy feeling of knowing that he is not in love with you. Second, to end the relationship. By the way, in your question you do not discuss whether you love your boyfriend. Often people stay with someone because they just fear being alone, even if their partner does not treat them in an appropriate manner.
Interestingly, men tend to view their ex-girlfriends more favourably than women do their ex-boyfriends, which may be part of the difficulties your boyfriend is having in terms of moving on from his past relationship. While he may be struggling to get over his ex-girlfriend there may be other areas where you are suited to each other.
Relationship therapy could also be useful for both of you to explore your relationship. It will surely help you both to understand whether it is suitable to stay together.
Many couples face similar situations to this and are able to work together to build a better relationship. However, it is very important that you both commit to making these changes together. Otherwise, if your boyfriend refuses to communicate and find solutions to change, I would advise you to get out of such relationship ASAP!