Changing adult children’s attitude when living together
In 2023 my son and daughter moved to our house with their families because they could hardly afford to rent their apartments. We have a big house and it has enough space for all 3 families. When our children experienced financial difficulties I persuaded them to move and live together. For 2 years we are not happy to live together. I do everything to help my son and daughter with my grandchildren, when the weather is bad I drive them to school, cook breakfast every day, buy food from our pension, pay the bills. But nobody is thanking me for all that effort. My husband and I are very tired and nobody appreciates our help. My daughter bought a new car this year and my son bought a camper he always dreamed about. It seems it will be still hard for them to rent their apartments now. But it becomes really hard for me and my husband to live this way.
QUESTION
What can I do to help my children and start to live a happy life as it was before? Or what can I do to make them respect me and my husband, change their attitude towards us and be thankful for all we have done and continue doing for them?
| Name | Age | Marital Status | From |
|---|---|---|---|
| Emma | 67 years old | Married | Belgium |
Answer
First of all you have to understand – it is just not normal for 3 generations to live together. Taking into account that 3 families live under one roof, I am sure your current problems will not only be solved, but will be increasing with time. I totally understand your generosity, kindness and willingness to help your kids, even though they have their own families now, but for you and your husband they will always be your kids. If more than 2 generations live together permanently, there will always be problems no matter what psychological techniques you use to calm yourself down. In fact, the only way is for each family to live on its own. At least several kilometers or miles away from each other. In some cases better in different cities, and rarely even in different countries.
It is not your fault! No need to blame yourself for such an attitude from your children towards you. Instead of buying a new car and a camper, your children must have decided to rent their own apartments as soon as their financial situation got better. It seems as if they are pretty happy living in your house if you pay all the bills and even buy food, spending your hard earned money on your children’s families and not on your own desires.
You should decide if you want to leave it all like this and be a victim for years, maybe many more years, until your children finally decide to move out from your house to their own rented apartments or houses. Or you must change it and start explaining to children that their financial situation got better and finally it would be nice to return everything to the normal way of living as it was before.
Once again, either you and your husband will have to change your attitude towards your situation and be victims for years, or you start talking to kids to look for their apartments no matter how hard it may be at first. After all, it will be difficult for you no matter when they finally decide to move from your house, right? So why not persuade them to make such move ASAP and let you finally after 2 years to live a calm and happy life?